Thursday, July 30, 2009

See No Evil

The Delhi High Court dismissed two petitions against the TV show Sach ka Saamna yesterday. The Court, though, did give a simple solution to anyone who was afraid of getting corrupted by watching the show—DON’T WATCH THE SHOW.

"In this land of Gandhi, it appears that nobody follows Gandhi... Follow the Gandhian principle of ‘see no evil’. Why do you not simply switch off the TV?”"

If only this sort of common sense was a bit more common.

P.S: The Delhi High Court, it seems, has hit some sort of a purple patch.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

We Will Overcome

Oh my fucking god! The horror! Those imperialist, white, sons of bitches, how dare they insult us?

I mean, is there no sense of decency and good conduct left in those white chaps? How could they frisk a VVIP/VIP exempted from pre-embarkation security checks as recorded in the BCAS Circular No. 6/2008. What kind of a world do we live in where airline staff doesn’t read BCAS Circulars issued by the Sarkar. And it wasn’t an ordinary frisking, mind you. Oh no, not all. They went all out, they did--they even, and I hang my head in shame as I write this, asked him to open his shoes. Open his shoes! The nerve of those chaps.

The airlines “defence” for this vile deed made the decadence of Western culture quite clear. They nonchalantly stated that this sort of VVIP list is incompatible with US norms—even former US heads of state, for example, would be frisked. That is why we must protect ourselves from the depravity that the West brings. Imagine if this sort of culture took root among Indians. What would happen if we did not respect Very Very Important People and did not read government circulars? Who would our cars stop for on the road for hours on end? Who would our bridges, roads and public toilets be named after? On whose security would we spend millions while we get by with little or no law and order?

But we seem to be holding on to our culture quite well, as this incident shows, thank god. Kalam getting his footwear opened was discussed in Parliament, the Sarkar threatened to file an FIR against the airline and even issued a statement where it referred to our former president and VVIP-for-life as “Shri Abdul Kalam Azad”, respectfully fusing the missile-man’s name with the name of independent India's first education minister, Maulana Abul Kalam Azad.

In the end, though, the bastards did have to apologise for their impropriety. But they did make a song and dance of it—the apology came three months after the sinful deed of getting a VVIP to open his shoes was done. Till Thursday, Kalam had said that he had received no apology. “I've not yet received it,” were his golden words, words which will be framed at airports throughout the country as a warning to those who would dare to mistake a VVIP for a normal human being. Of course, that the airline would buckle was a fait accompli—they were never a match for the VVIPs of India, no one is. They’ve apologised to the former president for any "misunderstanding and/or inconvenience related to the security screening on April 21”.

Ha! We showed them.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Obscene Picture

A picture of my neighbour's Laura.
(Click picture if you want to, er...make it larger)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Delhi HC Judgement Brings Communal Harmony to India At Last

Religious leaders across board showed rare camaraderie and unity to come together as one big happy family and denounce the Delhi HC judgement making homosexuality legal in India. The judgement has bought in its wake unprecedented communal amity among India’s religious leaders—remarkable in a country prone to frequent communal violence.

The Delhi High Court had passed the judgement on Thursday, appropriately invoking Nehru’s words while declaring that section 377 would not be applicable “in so far as it criminalises consensual sexual acts of adults in private”.

Says the VHP’s Giriraj Kishore: “I am thrilled to see our fellow heterosexual Muslim and Christian clergy brothers stand up for what I think is right. Western influences like homosexuality, Islam and Christianity have no place in our country.”

His views were echoed by the Jamaat-e-Islami-Hind who came out strongly against the judgement terming homosexuality as a haram act that only haramis would indulge in. “We strongly condemn the awarding of equal rights to homosexuals, women and other freaks of nature”, opined the All India Muslim Personal Law Board.

Religious leaders are thinking of launching a mass protest programme as well as educate the public about the dangers that homosexuality poses to the country. “We will try and do our best to force Indians to put their privates where we want them”, said a religious leader who did not wish to be named.

Lay Indians, on the other hand, remained largely apathetic to the judgement. In fact, doubts still remain as to the full implications of the judgement and whether it will be applicable even outside Delhi. “Will lesbo porn now be legal?”, asked Ravi Kumar, 20.

In related news, seven people have died of irony after hearing that the Catholic Church in India is opposed to legalising homosexuality as it would “increase paedophilia”.