Interview with God

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Our interviewee today needs no introduction, and I’m not just saying this! Responsible for the entire universe you see around you, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you – GOD!

God in a "light" mood

Times of Bullshit: It’s been a long time since your last interview, God. What’s this allergy to the press? The last time was on Mt. Sinai to Moses, if I’m not wrong.

God: Yes, it has been a long time. Actually I was misquoted by the press after the Mt. Sinai interview. You know how irritating that is for people like us. Hence I boycotted the press after that.

ToB: Misquoted? How?

G: Well see, and this is, I believe, a very serious matter. I had distinctly mentioned one of the ten commandments as: “You shall not covet your neighbour’s donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbour.” It’s even mentioned in the Bible, but you slimy press people misquoted the “donkey” as “ass” and the next day I see the newspapers screaming out:

“God, an Ass man? Tells people not to covet asses; silent on breasts”

It really infuriated me, you know. And since I already mentioned that I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me, I boycotted the press. Simple!

Lalit Modi Disobeys God's commandment not to covet Asses.

(pic courtesy: greatbong.net)

ToB: Yes, this kind of yellow journalism has to stop.

G: Yup, it does. That’s why I’m going to choose my press people with a lot of care. Hence I’m giving this interview to you. After all you have such a pious name.

ToB: Err, yes, thank you for that God. Yes, now coming to the question on everybody's mind – why are you letting so many innocent people get killed day in and day out? I mean apart from the day-to-day killings we have special calamities like the earthquake in China, the cyclone in Burma…

G: Look, my man, I am doing the best I can. But you guys have to have some patience. After all I’m not God you know…

ToB: Ummm, sir, but you are!

G: Yes, yes…that I am. I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just that I don’t have a magic wand you know (hides his magic wand).

ToB: Ok…fair enough. Let’s move on, shall we? What’s this about you suing the state of Kerala?

G: See, in this day and age you have to respect intellectual property rights. Why even Ranbaxy had to bow down before the WTO because of it, so why am I any different? Why aren’t my IPRs being respected?

ToB: You’re talking about the “God’s own country” campaign?

G: Yes, I am. I mean, surely, if you are using my name for commercial purposes I should get a slice of the pie, no?

But this doesn’t surprise me a bit. A state that can elect those Godless commies to power can sink to any depths.

ToB: Yes, the atheists. Words out that you have to love lost for them.

G: Of course I have no love lost for them. Imagine how you’d feel if some pricks, one fine day decided that you don’t bloody exist! You’d me hopping mad too, you would. I hope this interview of yours can prove to those “atheists” what a bunch of fools they are.

ToB: To end off God and this is on every bodies mind, when will you end world hunger?

G: (laughs) God knows, my man, God knows….