Missing pens send country into a tizzy

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The Government intends to launch a major probe into a matter which directly affects large numbers of our citizens, including you – Where do all our bloody pens go?

Says Ashwini Kumar, Chief of the CBI:” Every year 300 million pens are manufactured and sold in the country; yet whenever you go to a bank or ticket counter or wherever, you’ll have people borrowing pens left, right and centre. Where do all these bloody pens go? Have you ever thought about it?”

Although this might seem like a small matter when compared to our problems like poverty, female infanticide and non-Marathi signboards, it apparently isn’t says Medhakar Pat, from the ‘Every pen is precious’ NGO, whose aim is to “save the pen”.

“You don’t realise how important this is,” says Medhakar. “Do you realise the loss in productivity at schools, banks, offices etc because of the time wasted borrowing pens? The mental harassment faced by people forced to borrow pens from complete strangers? The constant haranguing faced by the few people who still have their have pens by those who don’t?

And the mystery is that millions of pens are manufactured every year but yet no one seems to have one. Think about it; how many times have you found yourself without one and having to borrow from some stranger as a result. Think of all the times that you bought a pen which then mysteriously disappeared. What happens to all these pens that are being manufactured?”

A mystery indeed...

Missing pens, like terrorism, is a problem afflicting both India as well as America

Arjun Singh, minister for Human Resource and Development, responsible for education, has also hinted at the shadowy foreign hand.

“There are evil foreign powers just waiting to destabilise our country and what better way than to make our pens disappear so that we are left floundering just in order to perform the basic function of writing.

It’s evil this plan. I don’t want to name the Government that’s doing this but all I’ll say that its name starts with P ends with N and occupies Pakistan-Occupied-Kashmir. Beyond this, my lips are sealed .”

Disclaimer: This article contains no puerile sexual innuendo. So don’t start laughing just ‘cause you find the words ‘pen’ and ‘is’ in succession anywhere in the article.