Thursday, August 7, 2008

New Form of English Revolutionizes the World

The English speaking world has seen the introduction of many Englishes over the years; from the original imposter – American English to the new kids on the block like Hinglish, all of them have changed English to some extent or the other.

However, linguistics have recently discovered a strain of English which is so revolutionary and so radical that its promises to shake up the English speaking world. They call the new strain: “Inglish” or Inzamam’s English named after its founder, Inzamam-ul-Haq, former Captain of the Pakistan Cricket team. 

What’s so radical about this new form of English? Well, Inglish™ dramatically reduces the number of words taken to express an idea. For example when Inzamam was asked the reason for Pakistan’s loss to Ireland in the 2007 World Cup other captains using more standard forms of Enlgish would have laboured on about God, the pitch and bad luck for ever, Inzamam wrapped it up with the words:

"Inshallah, pitch bad…umm...boys played .. umm … badly… Ireland good … bahuth shukriya."

Using a total of only 10 words (not counting the umms) Inzamam had described a World Cup ODI defeat to Ireland! Amazing!

Linguists say the secret behind Inglish is the use of what are called Keywords™. Instead of labouring on with superfluous words like prepositions, conjunction, articles etc, Inglish™ uses the Keywords™ present in the idea to get right to the point.

Inzamam is felicitated for having invented Inglish

This soul-stirring speech by Inzamam, after the Oval test ball-tampering incident, is taken to be the magna carta of the language:
“Ahem… Balls not tampered. My balls, I never touch, never. Whole Pakistan team see my balls. They good. Not tampered. In tip-top condition. Hair not look at balls well. Hair cheats… Bahuth shukriya.”

Avid cricket fan Ravi Kumar, says the speech moved something deep inside of him. “The brevity and in spite of the brevity, the eloquence leaves you spell bound,” says Ravi, in obvious awe of Inglish™.

In spite of inventing a form of English, Inzy remains a pucca Pakistani at heart. He is seen above playing a popular Pakistani folk game - War.

Experts also say that Inglish™ will lead to huge savings in data storage. A sentence of 10 words can now be compressed to 2-3 words thanks to Inglish™, saving millions of dollars. Says Larry Page, co-founder of Google: “Inglish™ will be a godsend for Google. The number of pages we’ll have to index will do down dramatically leading to massive savings for us.”


Pranay said...

now lets talk about kapli dev's english...or his hindi 4 dat matter

Hades said...

And they are both in the ICL too!

This is too good to be true!

SRK said...

hehe..nice 1 hades, Inzy seems to have inspired a number of his fellow Pakistani comrades, but on a serious note they oughta go for one of those spoken English courses like waqar younis n ramiz did.

Hades said...

How can you forget Shoaib Akhtar?

He is an alumnus of world famous 'A1 Tip-Top English speaking school'

To get a killer British accent NOW contact:
'A1 Tip-Top English speaking school'

123 Heera Mandi,
Besides the milk shop on the 2nd floor,

SRK said...

Lolz @ Tip-top spoken english course, thanks to which the Rawalpindi Express (am not using the first name cuz things might get a bit ambiguous :D) looks very much on his way to bag a bollywood ticket if not a position in the national side.

Hades said...

//not using the first name cuz things might get a bit ambiguous :D//

I walked in to that one by introducing Mr. Akhtar, now didn't I. :P

memsaab said...


American athletes use the same "keyword™" approach in their interviews too!

"we lost...ummm...other team...played...ummm...better."

Hades said...


Yes, but how to make fun of people who win as many Golds as these inscrutable Americans ?

Phelps has more gold medals than India will win in the next 300 years...ok maybe even 400.