In a shocking move, India, Pakistan and Bangladesh have entered into a military coalition and threatened to declared war on China.
The provocation appears to be the non-inclusion of Cricket as a sport in the ongoing Olympics.
Says, Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister of India:”We had peacefully appealed to China to include Cricket as an Olympic sport, even the T20 version. We were even ready to compromise and have a T10 version, when there were complaints about the length of the game but the Fuck*ng Chinese refused to budge. If they'd listened we might have won a medal and beaten even Azerbaijan in the medal count.”
“Our Pakistani friends and fellow Cricket junkies then contacted us to suggest a coalition of sorts for the greater good of the Game. We even roped in Bangladesh.”
Ashfaq Kayani, Chief of Army Staff of the Pakistan Army, agrees with Prime Minister Singh. “How dare they deny the people of the sub-continent a place on the Olympic stage? We could have easily got a medal, yaar. Don’t forget, we bloody reached the finals of the T20 World Cup.”
Indiscriminate cheating at the Olympics has lead to a clamour for an overhaul of the system, including introducing cleaner sports like Cricket.
The Coalition, with India’s armed might, Pakistan’s superior intelligence gathering capabilities and excellent cooks from Bangladesh would be a formidable foe even for a military Superpower like China.
Sources say that the introduction of some really weird “sports” in the Olympics was the last straw for the Coalition. Some of them are:
Race Walking: Remember those hall monitors in school who caught you when you were running in the corridors? Well that apparently is the inspiration for this sport where you are given a red card if you run instead of walk. Hell! Arjuna Ranatunga, who "walked his singles as far as possible, would be a bloody natural at this.
Synchronised swimming: It’s “a hybrid of swimming, gymnastics, and dance” says Wikipedia. Ooh! All three! Wowee!
But it ain’t no sport, Punk, you got that, huh?
Bottoms up: Synchronised swimming is
all about grace
“How dare they introduce these stupid sports and leave out the gentleman’s name. War is the only recourse,” said a chap who claims to be the President of Bangladesh. Enquiries were made regarding his name at the press-conference but no one was aware of what it was.
We did contact the Chinese Government and this is the statement they released:
If someone understands it, please do tell us what it is.