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Saturday, August 23, 2008

Sub-continent Declares War on China over no Cricket in Olympics


In a shocking move, India, Pakistan and Bangladesh have entered into a military coalition and threatened to declared war on China.

The provocation appears to be the non-inclusion of Cricket as a sport in the ongoing Olympics.

Says, Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister of India:”We had peacefully appealed to China to include Cricket as an Olympic sport, even the T20 version. We were even ready to compromise and have a T10 version, when there were complaints about the length of the game but the Fuck*ng Chinese refused to budge. If they'd listened we might have won a medal and beaten even Azerbaijan in the medal count.”

“Our Pakistani friends and fellow Cricket junkies then contacted us to suggest a coalition of sorts for the greater good of the Game. We even roped in Bangladesh.”

Ashfaq Kayani, Chief of Army Staff of the Pakistan Army, agrees with Prime Minister Singh. “How dare they deny the people of the sub-continent a place on the Olympic stage? We could have easily got a medal, yaar. Don’t forget, we bloody reached the finals of the T20 World Cup.”

Indiscriminate cheating at the Olympics has lead to a clamour for an overhaul of the system, including introducing cleaner sports like Cricket.


The Coalition, with India’s armed might, Pakistan’s superior intelligence gathering capabilities and excellent cooks from Bangladesh would be a formidable foe even for a military Superpower like China.

Sources say that the introduction of some really weird “sports” in the Olympics was the last straw for the Coalition. Some of them are:

Race Walking: Remember those hall monitors in school who caught you when you were running in the corridors? Well that apparently is the inspiration for this sport where you are given a red card if you run instead of walk. Hell! Arjuna Ranatunga, who "walked his singles as far as possible, would be a bloody natural at this.

Synchronised swimming: It’s “a hybrid of swimming, gymnastics, and dance” says Wikipedia. Ooh! All three! Wowee!

But it ain’t no sport, Punk, you got that, huh?




Bottoms up: Synchronised swimming is
all about grace

“How dare they introduce these stupid sports and leave out the gentleman’s name. War is the only recourse,” said a chap who claims to be the President of Bangladesh. Enquiries were made regarding his name at the press-conference but no one was aware of what it was.

We did contact the Chinese Government and this is the statement they released:

北京奥运会决出21枚金牌,包括乒乓球、曲棍球、跆拳道、田径和皮划艇。中国军团获得1金2银3铜,金牌数达47枚,奖牌数达89枚,有望冲击50金以及百枚奖牌大关。在女单比赛中,张怡宁和王楠分获冠亚军,小将郭跃夺铜。另外,博尔特和队友一起夺取了男子4x100米接力赛冠军,并以37秒10的成绩把世界纪录提高了0.3秒。 ”

If someone understands it, please do tell us what it is.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I came to yr blog from GB! You've got some brilliant stuff here.

And I hope we (india, pak and bangla) do crush China!

Tazeen said...

hahahaha, if they had included cricket, the Olympics would still be going on ....
remember the 2007 world cup, I grew 5 Grey hair waiting for it to end.

Hades said...

@anon

Thanks, boss. Also do use a name. Even a cool made up one, like say, I don't know - Hades, will do.

@Tazeen

Seriously, the 2007 world was BORING!

But then the T20 WC wasn't. Seriously, if you look at it population-wise, Cricket is, I think second only to Football in popularity. So, doesn't that qualify it for the Olympics?

Vedang said...

Hey, came across this blog while surfing the net...

I see you read a lot of chinese newspapers! :) because, according to Google translation, this is what your chinese text means means:

Beijing Olympic Games 21 gold medals decided, including table tennis, hockey, taekwondo, athletics and canoeing. China was one of the Legion 2-3 copper, gold amounted to 47, the number of 89 medals, 50 gold and the expected impact of 100 medals mark. In the women's singles, Zhang Yining and Wang Nan at the final, Guo Yue wins young copper. In addition, Boult and the team together to win the men's 4 x100-meter relay champion, and 10 to 37 seconds of the results to improve the world record of 0.3 seconds.

Hades said...

Damn! Google translator(said with the same expression that Jerry would say "Newman")

Well I needed some Chinese text for my post, so I actually went to the Chinese version of the 2008 Olympics site and copied some random lines.

And I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!

RainMan said...

Dude... u rule!!!!
Lemme kno wen Mettel cums out wit ur lazy toys... i wana own the whole collection!!!

BTW....

Cricket does deserve a spot in olympics... We will not stand down against such hippocracy!!!!!

Sumit said...

Lets ask Mamata di to take our cause and fight those F@#&ing communists. She will be more than enough.......

Hades said...

@ Rainman

Thanks, dude.

Btw, whats the quizzing scene back in college like? Any quizzes this semester till now?

@Sumit

Ha ha!

Mamati di reminds me of Dee Dee, Dexter's sister. The poor woman means well, but ends up annihilating everything around her including herself.

I swear, if she succeeds in driving Tata out of Singur God knows what'll happen to Bengal after that.

Poonam said...

Hi,

Your post has made to 6 finalists in most humorous category in Avant Garde Bloggies Awards: http://avantgardebloggies.wordpress.com/2008/11/17/most-humorous-post/

Previously, there were different 6 finalist posts but one has ben taken down as it was not original. Your posts came next on basis of tally of judges' scores. Polling will decide the winner.

YOU can know more about the awards here: http://alchemistpoonam.wordpress.com/avant-garde-bloggies-awards/

monisha mehta said...

hey , nice blog , like it ,
won’t be nice if i u can clickover to my blog page too ,
& post some suggestion