Says an exasperated Abdul, leader of the cell:” Ever since we’ve come to Delhi we have been running after some babu or the other. You tell me how is a terrorist supposed to do his work in peace in conditions like these?”
According to the terrorists, trouble started as soon as they got a flat.
“We had to procure a gas connection,” says Abdul. “This outside-shoutside food doesn’t suit me, yaar…and this greasy Punjabi food, baba. I have to watch my weight, you know… plus the oil causes pimples.”
However getting a gas connection proved to be somewhat of an uphill task requiring them to fill up numerous forms in triplicate, run from pillar to post trying to get some address proof and even getting beaten up during an altercation while they were in the queue to get the application form for the connection.
As a result of all the brouhaha in getting this gas connection all their work to try and cause a massive terrorist strike ground to a halt.
But why didn’t they just buy one on the black market?
“NEVER!” cries an indignant Abdul. “Tauba tauba, that’s corruption, boss. It’s wrong. As citizens (albeit false) of this country it is our duty not to encourage corruption. It’s corruption that is slowly destroying this great country,” says the terrorist while assembling a 2 kiloton bomb on the sofa in his flat. “I would never do such a thing…never,” he says a tad emotionally.
Their problems didn’t end with the gas connection though.
“We needed PAN cards to obtain mobile phone connections. Apparently the Govt. has introduced these measures to deter terrorists. However, getting these PAN cards turned out to be another Herculean ordeal.”
“And till we got our mobile phone connections we had to call Islamabad from a PCO booth every night (after 10 PM as the rates were lower then). The lines were so bloody long plus that SOB shopkeeper pretended never to have any change so that he could pocket the balance, saala,” says an almost in tears Abdul.
“I was such an ordeal, oh God.”
“To get those PAN cards we had to go to the Aaykar Bhavan four times. Each time they found something wrong with our form. And now it’s been two months since they finally accepted my form and I still haven’t received the cards,” fumed Abdul.
Abduls’ story is a well known one to every Indian. In spite of getting obscene pay hikes and unlimited free chai and samosas, our bureaucrats have made life hell for the common man – whether they are law abiding citizens or terrorists.
“As a result of all this we missed our bomb making classes in Kerala too,” rues Abdul. “Because of which we had to miss out on causing a bomb blast on the 15th of August. Sheesh!”
“Now we’ll have to appear for the classes during the next semester and try and cause the blasts on Republic Day.”
“Kya hoga is desh ka,” sighs Abdul – a sentiment shared, I think, by each and every patriotic Indian.