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Saturday, January 10, 2009

Humans Might be the Cleverest Animal on the Planet, Say Researchers

Ground breaking research at the University of Auckland, New Zealand seems to suggest that humans might be cleverer than any other animal on the planet.

John Smith and his team (who have nothing better to do, apparently) presented humans with a series of tests. For means of a comparison, these same tasks were also carried out by langoors, till now thought to be the cleverest animal on the planet.

The first test consisted of the two species being asked to condole a nation in the aftermath of a great tragedy. The humans performed superbly at the task getting extra points for making references to another cleverer species, the dog. Researchers also noticed one human was seen to be extremely concerned with his appearance, taking great care to appear well-dressed to another human who kept on waving, as if to a crowd. What that means is still not very clear. Langoors, it seems, on the other hand did not even understand the scale of the tragedy because they said nothing and just hung their heads, as if in shame.

The other task, apparently a rather tricky one, involved the researchers presenting the subjects with a gun. The humans excelled here too, running off with the gun into a hotel and killing scores of people. The langoors, seemed disinterested with the guns. One of the primates even tried his best to make it into a sickle, inviting the scorn of the humans.

In a variant of the above test, humans performed remarkably when presented with a bomb, seeming to know exactly what to do with it and when to use it.

Further test were far more difficult testing advanced problem solving abilities of the two species. One test, involved trying to show that a company had cash reserves of crores of rupees when it had none. The humans again showed far greater ingenuity achieving the goal with consummate ease and even boasting about it using advanced technology like email. In fact, the same human also showed rare skill in word games using palindromes, reversing simple words like ‘truth’ in a matter of seconds. Predictably, the langoors failed miserably again, failing to even show a profit for the company.

“The concept of immorality is very highly developed in the human species allowing them to carry out tasks of far greater complexity than the langoors could manage,” said one of the scientists. Further research is expected to be carried to by the University along these lines.

16 comments:

Rakesh said...

he he, are you on a dose of sarcastic steroids? Great one...

btw, read my take on what happens when Satyam goes to bollywood :)

nobody said...

Fuckin' brilliant!

Ajit said...

Good one dude......
cracked me up....
(came over from IHM)..

Siddharth said...

:D...lol

>>Researchers also noticed one human was seen to be extremely concerned with his appearance, taking great care to appear well-dressed to another human who kept on waving, as if to a crowd.

Didn't get this though...???

Indian Home Maker said...

John Smith and his team is always trying to undermine the intelligence of langoors.

I somehow don't trust such reports ... next they will say Zardari is cleverer than a langoor!

Quirky Indian said...

John Smith and his team deserve the Nobel! This explains a lot of things....these are questions that I have long asked myself, swinging from tree to tree.

Cheers,

Quirky Indian

Indian Home Maker said...

@Quirky Indian Don't let these reports bother you - I hope you are not planning to change your profile pic!!!

ankitagrawal said...

Haha.. Im clever than a langoor.. yay!!

Quirky Indian said...

@IHM - nah, long before John Smith, I knew I couldn't compete with humans. I suppose I can live with that.

Cheers,

Quirky Indian

വടക്കൂടന്‍ | Vadakkoodan said...

fantastic... digged it

Paradox Philic said...

I always said Researchers are idiots.. and people in my office kept shushing me down (You see i work in the same industry as well!)...only if i could show them the proof i.e this post :P

Hades said...

@Rakesh: Thanks…and that’s a great post!

@nobody: Fucking, er, thank you! :P

@Ajit: Welcome and thanks.

@Siddharth: Too arcane? That’s Sonia Gandhi…the well dressed chap is well…now come on…you should get it.

@IHM: Ha ha! Yeah! Let’s hope they don’t take up Bush Jr. as a subject of their study!

@Quirky: Lol…

@Ankit: So am I! Yeah!

@Vadakkoodan: Appreciate that, dude.

To other readers: Why can’t you all be like Vadakkoodan?...Wait I sound like my Dad…

@Paradox: Don’t worry…I know exactly what it’s like!

rampantheart said...

Satire at its best! Cheers!

borneveryday said...

LOL. thats simply superb

Hades said...

Thanks, Rampantheart and Borneveryday.

ONE said...

bhuhahaha....