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Saturday, January 24, 2009

Messiah Sworn in as President of the United States

The One True Prophet of the One True God was anointed as the Messiah of the United States of America on Tuesday.

Huge crowds gathered to watch the Messiah being baptised by John the Chief Justice. A Holy Book used by Abraham, who the Messiah is said to greatly revere, was used for the ceremonies.

People from around the world reacted with elation and joy to see the new messiah bring hope to a beaten land. The Messiah is expected to end all war and injustice in this world as well as teach Delhiwalas that honking at traffic lights is a sin in the eyes of God.

The Messiah, in his coronation speech, promised America that he “was the way”. He addressed the greatest crisis that the US now faces, the Recession, and criticised Wall Street for “leading us into temptation”. He promised to address the burgeoning trade deficit with China and urged the Chinese to “forgive us our debts” and also assured Pakistan that America would “forgive its debtors” if they reined in terror. In spite of the great anger against the earlier ruler of the Land, the ever merciful Messiah did utter nary a diatribe against him and, in fact, asked the American public to “forgive him for he knew not what he did”.

Verily, the miracle of the Messiah was confirmed in the Promised Land too, as people saw stars, made of White Phosphorous, in fact, rain down on them from the East.

20 comments:

anishmitra said...

Hahaha...this is the best post I have seen on the 'Historical event' which has taken place..

nobody said...

Damn good, man. I had to check a few of the quotes but superb still

Hades said...

@ Anish - In fact too 'Historical'. If I see the word 'hope' one more time I'm gonna throw up.

@ nobody - Sorry about that. Most of the quotes from the penultimate para are from the "The Lord's Prayer

Abhishek Pathak said...

Cool post buddy..the whole Obama story is truly overhyped beyond the character and soul of the man,as with most things USA.And then the fiasco comparing sometimes Rahul Gandhi,and sometimes Advani to him..comical,and sad.Why do we need an external motivation to inspire us,even after watching India unfold itself in the form of small children selling books,and flowers,at every traffic signal?
I came across your blog by chance a few weeks ago,and am now a regular follower.You have a great talent for sarcasm.Do keep writing.

Pratz said...

hail the Messiah!!

Indian Home Maker said...

But I like Obama. He is the best leader I have seen in recent times, inclusiveness, and all of us being connected are issues we need to talk about. He knows what he says is heard, he is responsible in his speech, non-believers are also included, so are gays and lesbians ... I'd like to hear someone in India say that.
I expect no miracles, that bit I agree is too much. He is human, but a very HUMANE HUMAN :)

Hades said...

@Abhishek - Hype is an essential part of naything. Obama uses it too.

@Pratz - Amen

@IHM - Actually, even I do agree--Obama is truly one of the best politicos today. But what I find a bit irritating is the exreme hype surrounding the man, even in the Indian media.

I truly do feel that we expect too much of Obama.

2k6 guy said...

hahaha!!!

superb...

Ive seen ur stand up routines in college and now after reading yr blog i can definately say that yr a genius...

Hades said...

Ummm...thank you, 2k6 guy. That's high praise indeed.

Sajid said...

Great post, brother. Just discovered your blog, and have to say, quite like it!

Quirky Indian said...

The faithful apostle hath recorded the coming! And verily made us laugh. Amen.

Cheers,

Quirky Indian

Satyajit said...

I wonder when India will get its Messiah. Maybe if we elect a 1 eyed, SC, lesbian, Muslim women with Tourette's Syndrome as PM.

Fuck it....elect Rahul baba and the Congress will react the same way most did for Obama.

Tazeen said...

///Verily, the miracle of the Messiah was confirmed in the Promised Land too, as people saw stars, made of White Phosphorous, in fact, rain down on them from the East. ///


brilliant.

Saurabh Khadke said...

Y'now, in pune there is this silly rule of parking on one side of the road on even dates and parking on the other side on odd dates, The Kashmir policy of 'The Messiah' is quite similar to that i think....he parks with the pakistani's on even dates and with indian's on odd dates :-P

Hades said...

@Sajid, QI, Tazeen: thanks.

@Satyajit: Didn't Mozart suffer from Tourett's too?

@Khadke: Ah! The pleasures of being the only superpower on Earth.

Anonymous said...

Don't you get bored copying the onion all the time?

Hades said...

@Anon: Nope

Aside: Yes! Hate mail! The moment every blogger waits for!

nobody said...

@hades: Lolz...

bwt, where are you? long time no post?

insidedisillusion said...

lol. Interesting take.

Anonymous said...

Hades says: Yes! Hate mail! The moment every blogger waits for!

Oh well LOL if you think so and get happy at it.

It was a serious message. I have been reading your page for a while now. it is so similar to the Onion ALL the time!